💗 Full Heart, 🫥 Empty Head, 🏆Can't Lose
Another year, another list
I thought — I really thought — that once I was done with the big bigs of my income-related endeavors, I’d be able to enjoy the space to work on all the “fun” things I’ve been stacking in the back of my mind, ONLY to realize that going at it full throttle (full enough for me, I mean) for a prolonged-enough time has pressed my last working brain cell into quiet quitting. Oops.
Welp. Once again, I suddenly find myself at the same point every year that imposes taking some form of inventory of our lived experiences. And every year I think the same thing: It’s ass. But also, gratitude and appreciation and all that… is not so ass. Each year my concept of time is overrun by the overwhelming uncertainty of everything as I grow my collection of distractions. But against all odds, things got done in the past 12 calendar months that I would not have fathomed possible this time last year. I will not line them out here because that’s boring1, but I will share some personal insights, similar to last year’s, from whatever I can salvage from mental and emotional burnout debris from this year that I can muster.
✅ Voices Notes 🗣️
Somewhere between a phone call and a text, this is a primo way to communicate tone, something sorely lacking in digital comms. Sometimes you wanna reach out to someone and you don’t know what to say, which is when I always utilize voice messaging, by simply making a weird sound into the mic for 3-5 seconds, which carries so much more context than words ever could. Non-verbal communication is so rich, you know? Coherency is overrated.
🚫 Aesthetic speculation 💉
I see too many tiktoks and reels of aestheticians and dermatologists green-screening celebrity faces and speculating what they’ve had done. Who. Cares. It does not benefit me to know that a person in an appearance-based profession has cosmetically enhanced their appearance. Of course, they would. Because their livelihood depends on it. Because everyone is telling them all the minute ways they are ugly. I don’t think all this scrutiny helps anyone feel less insecure about themselves — if anything, it doubles down on all the ways you can be picked apart by hundreds of anonymous app users.
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✅ Intergenerational Friendships 👯♀️
All of these generational feuds are so boring. Boomers vs Gen X vs Millennials vs Gen Z vs Gen A. All it does is invest in ageism even further and does nothing to improve anything for anyone in the future because no one will listen to anyone with wisdom, and no one wants to change their ways with new information. The pressures each generation feels to act accordingly with some era’s arbitrary life trajectory (that isn't even possible for everyone based on all sorts of social inequities) could be alleviated by a bit of this intel trading. Having friends significantly older and younger (legally) is an invaluable resource for balancing life perspectives. Older people remind me that most of my anxieties are unfounded and that patience and grace can only make life’s challenges a bit smoother. And younger people generally remind me that I am so happy to be older.
🚫 Arguing with strangers 😤
🚫 Flaking 💨
The easiest way to maintain friendships is just to show up. Honestly. I love canceling and staying in. I really do. But unless you wish to maintain a roster of acquaintances who will invite you out less and less as you burrow deeper into an all-encompassing solitude, just show up. Or learn to say no to things in advance and manage your energy, so at least people can temper their expectations, and take you at your word.
✅ Delulu 🙃
Just a little dollop of delulu can keep you holding on when all other empirical evidence suggests that you’re SOL. Because what do we really know about outcomes and results anyway? Most of it is informed by the sour-ass voices in our heads that may be trying to protect you but mostly serve to keep you bummed out and not trying. Most things are not within our control. And most feelings are not truths. So what if instead of accepting defeat on layaway, just let yourself be a little delulu for the meantime so your tee-hee tank doesn’t run empty? It’s sooo hard to restart your engine on an empty tank.
🚫 Ghosting 👻
See: Flaking. Also, grow up!
✅ Yearning 🥺
There’s something to be said for saying it with your whole chest, stepping your pussé up, and yet she persisted, etc. Yearning can add up to 7 years of living if you dedicate enough consistent energy toward it. Don’t ask me how I know this. Also, it’s very European.
🚫 FOMO 🫣
Did you know that it’s possible to miss out fearlessly?
✅ Chalance (> nonchalance) 🫂
Is appearing to not care still cool? I thought we were over being chill. I thought we were expressing our feelings appropriately to the people we care about so that we can mutually build a foundation of compassion and trust. What is being cool even worth anymore? These parasocial hoes are not loyal.
✅ Kissing 😙
This one is just for fun. It doesn’t have to necessarily “go anywhere.” Kissing is a nice, sexy little time all its own. Let it be the main course sometimes.
🚫 Venmo Requests 💳
There is nothing more passive-aggressive than an unexpected Venmo request. Don’t buy me a coffee I didn’t ask for just so I can see a $5 Venmo request notification. Ew. A little casual generosity is a good look. If anything, consider these little treats as ick insurance.
✅ Plotting 😈
Anytime you’re making plans, mapping goals, and strategizing while wearing a black turtleneck, you could be considered plotting. If nothing else, it’s a lot more exciting than scheduling, and it makes it more likely that you’ll follow through. Also, black turtlenecks are a wardrobe staple for every aspiring villain or tech mogul.
🚫 GRWM 🪞
Look, how ‘bout I just meet you there? This is going to take a while.
No, but for real, I feel like the ubiquity of this content format has all but made voyeurism boring and consumption-driven. Bring back mysterious and unpredictable voyeurism (respectfully). I think this is why Emily Mariko’s content and similar took off. What is she making? What’s going to become of all these ingredients? Oh, peanut butter toast, OK. Wait whoa, wasn’t expecting persimmons on top!
I think we can take this even further though.
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✅ Sexual Tension 😏
Sometimes the most savory parts are in the anticipation. I mean, anticipation is one of the main engines of eroticism, is it not?
🚫 Clout 🏁
Research has found that the clout does not chase back.
✅ Side Quests 🧙♀️
Errands are boring. Side quests are noble (and are rewarded with a treat upon completion).
✅ Ominous Positivity 😈
See: plotting
✅ Taking the stairs🚶♀️
It’s the free gym.
🚫 Viral value🤳
Going viral mostly sentences the poster to the hampster wheel of content creation, cursing them to maintain the attention of a fickle audience. As soon as you succumb to dropping the routine, you’re locked in. Virality is capitalism’s coal, fueling our already rampant consumerism by introducing people to more things they didn’t know they wanted. Not once have I bought into a viral product and had it add significant value to my life. And it will probably happen again!
🚫 Natural Beauty™ 😒
In a post “clean girl,” no-makeup makeup, tweakment beauty culture, natural is more of an aesthetic goal than a literal definition. Natural beauty is touted as a specific kind of aesthetic that appears to be unaltered but is mostly achieved by altering your appearance. Something to do with the stigma of vanity and the moralization of effortlessness. Not only is it boring, it’s misleading (by design). It has less to do with actual beauty or aesthetic appreciation than it does with a coded social adherence that celebrates the ways pretty privilege can be bought at a cultural cost that stigmatizes normality (or simply not doing things to your appearance) as ugliness. It is, as I’ve said earlier, ass.
✅ Microdosing Chaos 🤡
In a rut? Mired in indecision? Tried everything and nothing seems to work? Just don’t know?? Microdose some chaos, ask a friend to hang out spontaneously, do silly little things just to see what will happen, it’s a great way to stoke creativity and open yourself up to chance opportunities. Do it for the plot.
🚫 Worrying people are mad at you 😓
Honestly, they’re probably not even thinking about you. Most people are thinking about themselves. Don’t take it personally. (And stop asking them.)
🚫 Dating apps 📱
I think there’s a sweet spot of efficiency with dating via apps — usually lasting a season at a time. If you’re not getting whatever results you’re seeking within one season, delete it, clear the slate, and take a break so you don’t fall into a pit of unsexy despair. In the span of a season, you’ll most likely have swiped right or matched with everyone on the apps you’re attracted to, the conversations either led to a date or went cold, and then it’s just a rotation of the same profiles you’re not interested in. If these matches are not presenting themselves within the window of your seasonal debut, sorry, better luck next digital debutant season. Now get out of the house.
Finished my book draft, published some bylines in goal outlets, dodged several situationships, went on friend trips, did all my annual doctor appointments, read some good books, met some lovely people, kissed some of them, wrote a list…