Beauty Is Over. It's Ugly's Era.

It's giving 'Look at my list.'

Dec 30, 2022

What a year it hath bean. I don’t know what happened, or where I was, or what I was doing, but I understand that I’ve made an adequate amount of tax-deductible write-offs, and my glass remains fuller than half at its end. Flat circle that it is, time was certainly served this year. To me, anyway. I’ve lived a lifetime in my mind in the past 300 days. Proud to say I’ve finally kaught up to Kylie and had some realizations of my own!

Your girl is learning, your girl is growing.

I’m one round down with my book manuscript (despite one editor switch-up), and as such, have been thinking far too muchly about Beauty™ and how inhabiting a body is in many ways more sus than ever. I am trying to make this book so good for you! I promise! (Also, legally I have to if I want to get paid. Which I do.) This past year especially, my suspicions that I may have undiagnosed ADHD are at an all-time high, but perhaps I’ve simply been raw-dogging life too long. I’m just a girl with no self-discipline living in an Adderall world.

Anyway. Here’s the stupid list:

👍 Crushing

Obviously. We’ve been over this.

👎 Situationships

There is nothing less horny to me than being confused. I don’t like it and I refuse to do it. I never need to be told to fuck off twice! “Casual but consistent” is a relationship, FWB is a relationship, and a label or lack thereof doesn’t define a relationship — how you treat one another does. Mutual respect, open communication, reserve your entitlement/assumptions, or just don’t fuck with each other. Please. It is so easy to do this while curving angst if everyone just grew up. People can only give you what they are willing to give, this is true. But if you don’t ask, you don’t get. Ask for what you want. No more of this “what are we?” walking on eggshells, playing it cool nonsense. Fall in love, you cowards!

👍 Being just another speck in the universe

I don’t need to look through some Hubble telescope to understand that little ol’ me is but recycled stardust in this incomprehensibly vast universe. And it’s very helpful to zoom the fuck out sometimes and pinch pinch pinch that map so you can see the real big picture. It’s not that you don’t matter — it’s that there’s just so much other stuff going on around you that’s bigger. Ahhh!

👎 Main character energy

Isn’t it exhausting? Give it a rest. No one is asking this of you.

👍 Quitting

Does it suck? Do you have to be here? Do you, actually though? Are you being held against your will? Then quit.

👎 Self-care

Haven’t we been doing this for like… years now? I think we’re good. Our brains are beyond pruney from all these bubble baths. Time to think outside ourselves for a change. Probably might even make you feel good!

👍 Being helpful

I read somewhere (I think it was some guy’s Hinge profile) that kindness is doing what good you can with what you have at the moment. Too bad he was ugly because that prompt was fire (jk jk, I have completely forgotten what he looks like, I’m sure it was normal). Kindness is in short supply, yet is completely free and simple. Actively participate in whatever capacity you’re able. It’s nice and not that hard! And spiritually fulfilling! Be helpful.

👎 Politics ≠ Personality

Another ubiquitous dating profile-inspired sentiment: Getting your politics “right” and identifying with the “right” causes and cases, and articulately demonizing the “bad” entities that run our world, unfortunately, does not a personality make. It doesn’t even lead to actual beneficial change either, turns out. At the rate I am mansplained leftist politics (most earnestly from a South African apartheid baby), it really makes me miss the “look at my fish” men, honestly. Give me a simple man who provides a fresh catch for dinner. I cannot eat your leftist rantings, my dude. This goes for social media too. I don’t want to have to fact-check another alarmist info-graphic ever again.

👍 Minding your own business

Another free and spiritually fulfilling activity. Invite peace into your life. You will sleep so snug. Your skin will be good. Your credit score will increase.

👎 Having Opinions

Are they helpful? Are they necessary? Does anyone need them? Hmm

👍 Deleting your account

Honestly, nothing more attractive than a man without social media. It’s for the girls. You have patriarchy. Let us have Instagram.

👎 Performative posting

Who is this really for? Be honest.

👍 Making peace with not getting what you want all the time

Imagine if everyone got what they wanted. It would be chaos. It would be catastrophic. It would also be just, I suppose, in an ironic way. There is a reason you don’t always get what you want. And you usually only learn that later down the line. There are so many things I wanted that I’m glad I never received. There are so many times that I met obstacles instead of rewards, and so many times I met relief instead of destiny. May I never get everything I want. May I learn to love what I have already and never deserve more than I can handle. Not everything you want is what you need, or should have. And I think you know that.

👎 Manifestation

Can things just happen with no agenda? Can mystery not prevail? Can we free ourselves from the narrative that the universe is meant to serve us? What is the purpose of your desire? Seriously, what?

👍 Microdosing Incompetence

I have a 7th sense for when I’m going to be dumped, ghosted, or fired (or when a waiter is going to get my order wrong). Some mysterious antenna will feel the winds change, and my brain will quietly whisper, that’s a wrap. I would brush it off as paranoia or anxiety, but so far it’s never been wrong. It used to fill me with dread. But now I’ve come to accept that it is simply experience plus insight (plus psychic??) offering me the severance of a graceful exit, an offer I always take. Nobody takes an L as flawlessly as me. Nobody! Also, who doesn’t love an underdog?

Nobody is good at everything. And that’s fine. That’s how jobs are made. Also, the less fixated you are on not being good at something, you can focus on the things you are good at. Do it for the economy.

👎 Imposter Syndrome

If you’re doing the thing, you’re the thing. There is no one singularly valid path toward it. Others have come before you, and you don’t know their path and they don’t know yours. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.

👍 Time being fake

For the longest time, South Korea has calculated age in such a way that babies are 1 year old as soon as they’re born. And now they’re changing the LAWS OF TIME to conform to the rest of the world, which factors in weeks and months and shit. Meaning, everyone in Korea is about to become one government year younger. Also, Asia fucks heavy with the moon — hello, lunar new year?? It’s a big deal. And Asia’s like pretty huge — biggest populations and all that, innit. And they don’t seem to have any functional issues sans Gregorian calendars. Also, did you hear we’re trying to cancel Daylight Savings? Tl;dr: Time is a fake bitch.

👎 Anti-aging

I know I just said time is fake (it is) but aging is not. You are aging. No products or treatments are going to stop you from aging, and fleshy tenacity ≠ age. It is not a moral failing to age. It is simply what happens when you are born into a body. You cannot resist it. Ageism is a losing battle. But you should still wear sunscreen every day (it’s healthy).

👍 Blob Time™

Idleness is perhaps the utmost of sins in this era since we’ve fully adopted productivity as a morality staple. But we are far too overstimulated to the point of being stuck in our tracks, so sometimes you just have to boop yourself on the head, hit snooze on executive function, and reboot your system. And this is very difficult to do! Because guilt. But things take time. Boredom, idleness, and emptying your head are all crucial elements for living well — in fact, you need to sleep to wash your brain from gunky residues like all the comebacks you couldn’t think of at the moment or your ex’s social security number. Also, if you’re a woman, you need those Zzs to replenish your hormones (which is why women need more sleep than men).

👎 Chronic self-optimization

Mindful self-improvement is great and all, but these goalposts keep scooching further and further away in our climate of never-enough self-optimization. And at a certain point, the rewards for all this hard work just plateau out while you’re still spinning in this hampster wheel. It’s an illness.

👍 Nunchi

There’s a Korean word: Nunchi. It loosely translates to “eye force/power” or “eye measure” which doesn’t make sense but also yes it does. Most closely resembles empathy or emotional intelligence, which far too many people claim to possess. Nunchi is a bit more neutral than either. It’s an instinct for observation, a talent for reading the room, or feeling out the vibes — the little sensory pings as emotional amber alerts cultivated by those who probably learned from a young age how to recognize subtle shifts in the room and pivot accordingly. Nunchi is often gained through experiences where you’ve had to manage the emotions of others in service of your own survival/advancement. (Too much may also indicate a penchant for codependency. Hi, it’s me. I’m the problem, it’s me.)

@bellpepperqueen #codependency #codependencyrecovery #therapytiktok #mentalhealthtiktoks #whitneycummimgs

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

👎 Pathologizing common behaviors (and zodiac signs)

Look, I know I embody a lot of Cancerian behaviors and all that (smugly) but I am an individual person with unique experiences and insight that make me very different from other Cancers (like the June ones) (jk). Also, I cannot let these stars run my life; half of them are dead.

In the same way, not everyone who ghosts you is a sociopath, not everyone who lovebombs you is a narcissist, and not everyone who disagrees with you is gaslighting you. Also, you’re not a doctor so you have no business diagnosing people anyway (unless you are a doctor). You don’t know why people are the way that they are and it’s not your job to sus it out. Sometimes people are cunts. Just leave them alone.

Share Hard Feelings

👍 Connections

Nothing better than vibing in alignment with others. A little mutual vulnerability, some supportive encouragement, a bit of radical acceptance — it’s the 🤌*chef’s kiss*🤌 of existing, truly. Give it a try!

👎 Attachments

You’d be surprised at how much extraneous, unhelpful shit is cluttering your mind when you’re on autopilot, a slave to your triggers. Holding onto things past their due does more harm than good. At best, it keeps you from growing; at worst, it breeds resentment. And as they say, resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Don’t drink poison. It’s gross. You gotta learn to let things go. Mari Kondo your mind. Free yourself so better things can come through.

👍 Thinking just the right amount

It’s usually somewhere in between “how do I feel about this?” and “what can I do about this?” (or alternatively, “what do I need right now?”)

👎 Overthinking it

No brain, no pain.

👍 Prioritizing friendships > dating

Some people are already good at doing this (incorrectly labeled avoidant!). Don’t be that person that disappears when they start dating someone new, it’s such an eye roll. I mean, I get it. I’ve been that person. In the past. And then once things get rocky (which they will) you come back to your friends to kvetch and they’re annoyed but perhaps graceful about it if you’re lucky. But each time you do this, you degrade your own support system — a real foot-shooty situation! As I get older (every day), I think about how not wanting children and being indifferent towards marriage means that my future will likely require a strong community and support system in those later Golden Girls years when I’m an old lady with old lady issues. Also, friends are the best. I love friendship!

👎 People pleasing

👍 Poetry

Idk, it’s kinda fun! Hehe

👎 Hurting your own feelings

Babies, please stop doing this to yourself. Things are as they are, not how you feel about them. Learning to know the difference will save you heaps of grief. Delete, delete, delete.

👍 Calling me

I love to hear your lovely little voices in my ears in real-time. I also love voice texts. I’m like Ursula the sea witch, collecting all your hot little voice clips in seashells (my phone). It’s nice.

👎 Sending a brick of text

If the text bubble starts to scroll, stop. This is not a text. This is a phone call or an in-person conversation. The way I was tempted to send this very image to so many people who chose passive-aggressive violence this year! One time someone sent me the brickiest brick of text, it took FIVE screenshots to capture the whole thing and send it to my group chat for dissection/roasting (contained in one iMessage, I didn’t even know that was legal). Also, if you send bricks, know that the likelihood it’s being screenshot and shared is HIGH. It’s embarrassing. Stop this, please, I beg of you ☹️.