Why Does Everyone (Me) Want to Be So Puffy??

Greetings from The Puffening

Perhaps it all began with the reign of Princess Peach and the never-ending instances of Castle ding-dong-ditch, where the longing was subconsciously instilled within me for regally round shoulders and voluminous waistlines. I mean, who doesn’t want to be followed by two Italian plumbers from residence to residence (even though I feel like someone could’ve sent a shell with the permanent location and that would be that)? Plumbers make a lot of money, people. If you’ve ever had to hire a licensed plumber in NYC, you would know… they are making so much money. Just saying. Maybe marry a plumber instead of a finance guy, no prenup.

Anyway. Cut to me and my stash of wispy summer dresses whose waists are widening (for 2020 reasons) and necklines sweetheartening, as the shoulders crest to soufflé heights like the human meringue I never meant to be. Here I am, typing “puff sleeve” into every e-comm search bar in a quest to look like a chic marshmallow, equal parts grown-up child and childish adult. It’s a look I have previously mentally logged as Lil Ho Peep until the ubiquity of that not-very-original pun ruined it for me.

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that being an adult now doesn’t feel very adult. Young adults who feel more like old teenagers rather than the fully-formed grown-ups that they are may wish to revel in the embiggened fancy of this Lolita-adjacent aesthetic. It’s like cosplaying your childhood — no responsibilities, no bills, no worries.

Yes, I did purchase this Kitteny Gatia dress immédiatement on my phone after seeing a friend wearing it.

It’s giving me modern milkmaiden.

The algorithm insists upon thrusting this Selkie Puff Dress in my feed constantly.

Or slutty cupcake.

Courtney Love and babydoll dresses are forever united in SEO

Also, we cannot cannot miss the enduring Courtney Love effect on these sartorial symbols of childhood innocence— their unkempt destruction gave them a narrative that subverted feminine expectations by thrashing them up and pairing them with threatening footwear and accessories like a glamorous ghoul. As the kids say: mood.

This was the Meadham Kirchhoff Spring 2012 collection. I didn’t realize designers sometimes just made the same dress in different colors for a runway thingie. Feels a bit like everyone copied that one kid’s homework but got the same grade nonetheless

Honestly, what drew me back to such frilly frockery recently were the billowy empire waistlines, which promised endless generosity for my endless appetite. There’s no worse feeling than core-cringe when indulging in any delicious thing means that you then feel really uncomfortable and gross in whatever you’re wearing around your midsection. Jeans are a passive-aggressive prison for the body. People complain about low-riders threatening to come back, but at least I could eat in those without bisecting myself like an ant (fucking Levi’s Wedgie jeans, I’m lookin’ at you). But also, lol no, fuck those FUPA-bullying low-rider jeans. Fuck pants.

I want to be puffy. This mantra repeats almost involuntarily in my head every time I see a puff-sleeved thing that I can stuff my body into. And judging by Instagram, my fragmented lens of the world in real-ish time around me, so do a lot of folks. We all want to be puffy. It’s a great way to ease into socialization — wearing something fancier than house clothes with the same relative comfort of house clothes. Isn’t that what we all want? We want to look pretty and feel good. To enchant and to eat heartily. To seduce and also confuse. And I know what you’ve been thinking, and no it is not “cottage core.” It’s good old-fashioned slutty-not-slutty attire that you can wear almost anywhere, while you frolic about, temporarily immune to all the societal and Forbes 30 Under 30 pressures that are expected of you at whatever age you may be. You cannot tell me I’m doing it wrong. You cannot tell me supposed to this or should that. You cannot tell me shit about fuck. I am not GirlBoss. I am…GirlBaby.