The Sluttening™
It ain't enough to cuff.
Contrary to summer’s alleged chokehold on promiscuity, those of us who are grown-ups know better. We understand that once temps drop low enough for the landlords to be lawfully forced to turn on the heat, that’s when things really… heat up (because the heat just got turned on). (And also metaphorically.)
Something about the chill in the air, the elongating nights, the scented candles, the polarizing coffee beverages — it all brings with it a gradual haze of horniness, like a slow fog triggering the slutty instinct for seeking warmth in another. We happen to live in a time when nobody has to go for want of a warm body, as there is no limit to the number of individuals willing to cosplay as the love of your life for a one-night special. There are apps for that now.
Most people know this time of year as cuffing season — AKA Thotumn, AKA the March Madness of situationships. It’s the temperate weeks leading up to prime slozy season, often just to break up and uncuff once daylight savings time marches forward once again. Now is the time to dust off your risky vocabulary in service of firing off your most optimistic sexts.
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