The Privilege Is All Mine
The good, the bad, and the indifferent.
The devil in reverse is no angel, but demonology tends to neaten itself into a linear path, chaotic vacillations redacted. Depending on who you ask, some might say it's a post-redemption kind of thing—I mean, when you polarize spirituality between two divine extremes the only way to go once you reach the top is back the other way. An apathetic angel is, by all occupational accounts, halfway to hell. It just so happens that being on Earth sets everything at a hell-ward slope since gravity's appetite has yet to quit. Sometimes it's tiring constantly resisting the laws of physics that insist upon embracing us towards the core of our world. Sometimes I think just being a person doesn't always afford you the grace to keep up with heaven's hazings.
No one ever really seems to tire of being evil. You never hear someone going, "I've done enough evil for the rest of the week, I can take it easy for now." Evil seems to be a vastly renewable energy source. It has the unflappable optimistic energy of an over-funded start-up. Evil works hard and plays harder. Evil's morning routine is so complete in its self-gratifying totality it puts Olympians to shame. Evil never skips leg day. Evil eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Morality is my beautiful himbo husband. I love him with the steadfast passion of a flower enduring a bee. He does well without trying hard and is well-respected in his community. Everyone wants to be him or be chosen by him. He has a swift kiss for each of my cheeks when he's off to work in the morning and when he returns home every evening. I don't have to worry about him. His whole brand is built upon Good Intentions™ but if you look closely, most of it is just the absence of bad behavior. He'd never say it but Morality's optics rely mostly on proximity to evil by comparison, and that's why we keep inviting them over for dinner even though they rarely accept. But when authenticity's importance erodes its moral obligations, you begin to understand how nothing gets done in this world if all you want to be is good. When you perform for love, you are rewarded with company.
After all this, it's still just one or the other. You'd think we'd have invented a few more fundamental principles by now. What about compassion or empathy? Choose your fighter. There's a dire oversight in innovations in morality. Tradition loves to consecrate itself from a seed of nostalgia, loosely promising some vague connection to a past that had no idea what would be wrought. It's the way we've always done things. I think maybe we're just sentimental for the last time we had any clue of what we're meant to be doing. But choice is a power, even before that knowledge. Of course, you know that because those with all the choices tend to have the most power. But your power can only manifest once you claim it, which you'd know since as we've all witnessed, even ignorance can be blitz.
There are truths that overstate their value with their urgency. You can't be a TaskRabbit for the powers that be when those powers really need to get their priorities in order. Sometimes any amount of accomplishment is a nicer feeling than waiting for the solution to bloom. You have to pick up the power yourself because it doesn't get any use just sitting there, waiting to be decided how it's going to be spent. Its best opportunities spill from your pockets, getting lost in the idle chasm between good and evil, like coins stuck in between couch cushions.
Those two can resent each other's imperfect existences all they want, but gravity will continue beckoning and warmth is still warmth, and to live too long without looking into another's eyes makes you forget the power that your grace affords. There are no scribes or blueprints that can show you how to get to the feeling behind someone else's eyes. It's one of the few places on Earth gravity doesn't touch, call that what you will. It's easy to feel useless when you forget what it's like not having to be in a body all the time. Sometimes bodies have to change frequencies for a better fit, something snug, something with more give, something breathable that moves with you. Something with a well-oiled hum. Everything I've created has come from that unseen vibration, the thumping of warmth seeking warmth. I don't know why I keep forgetting that I can do that. And so can you.